


Easy Solutions Are Best Left Unused

by Vampykitty_kun



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Humor, Magical Accidents, Taunting, Teasing, acquired crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4766474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampykitty_kun/pseuds/Vampykitty_kun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t help the urge to retaliate and take the man down with his own guns when and if he showed himself…</p>
<p>After his last run in with Ivy and her pollen, and being forced to babysit a clearly compromised Red Robin, he was not going to put up with it again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cornflakepizza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cornflakepizza/gifts).



Damian huffed and drew his hood up to shield himself from the chilly breeze as he leapt from the parapet and bounced off a neighboring fire escape. He launched himself into the air, firing his grapple as he went, and rolled his eyes beneath his domino in a lack of enthusiasm as he followed Dick at the rear.

Harley bobbed along in the street below, surprisingly skilled at avoiding a massive pile-up as she and her goons raced and fled by motorbike and truck, despite her constant yammering and protests as they pursued her.

He ignored the blonde out of respect for his sanity. Grayson on the other hand was fired up, the GCPD was failing to keep up with the chased, and the Commissioner was clearly on his last nerve and one step away from having a coronary.

And just when he was about ready to ditch his mentor, leave the man to deal with the intolerable woman and her trail of chaos himself, a miraculous thing happened…

_“Batman, Robin- Oracle here…”_

He gave a sigh of utmost relief and resisted the curl of lips.

“Tt, _Batman_ is preoccupied with Quinn. My patience however is wearing thin… am I needed elsewhere?” He drawled, slowing up to plant his feet on a gritty rooftop. “By the time they are apprehended I’ll be ready to break their necks for the sheer audacity. Gr- _Batman_ will bench me for poor behavior and torment with lectures about how neither he nor _Drake_ were ever so short fused so many years into this. Spare me…” He snorted.

It earned him a chuckle from the woman at the very least.

_“Hood’s blowing things to bits across town in some sketchy situation I can’t get a read on. Everything’s up in flames, curious ones, down on Akron and Columbia. Street’s a mess. The one whole side of the street is going to need to be ripped down. Plenty of old buildings beyond repair. Not getting much of a visual, but it’s him, and I can’t pinpoint what his deal is or who he’s exchanging blows with. All I know is that the destruction is spreading and someone needs to take care of things before they get even more out of hand. Batgirl’s preoccupied down by Gotham stadium. Check things out, try and resolve the situation, and if you need backup send me a line and I will get you someone as soon as possible.”_

“On it.” He welcomed the grin the followed as he slipped into the shadows. “Let him know where I’ve disappeared to. He would attempt to discourage me if I did the honors.” He huffed, and as she agreed he bolted.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

To give Oracle credit, even he was utterly clueless on what exactly had gone down, even after he had left the scene of the initial attack.

He had been trailing Todd since reaching Columbia and 7th street after Oracle’s report while Grayson had continued pursuit of Quinn, and while he had been far past his tolerance of the woman and had welcomed the distraction he was far from being at ease with the situation. He hadn’t the foggiest idea what was going on, since Oracle had been vague and unsure herself, but none the less, half a city block was in a bad way with off color sickly sweet smoke billowing into Gotham’s already smoggy sky, which was worrisome. He was hardly in the mood to deal with any of Ivy’s nonsense, but with the blonde keeping Grayson busy halfway across town… he was hardly feeling lucky.

He had managed to dangle his re-breather around his neck in preparation of the worst mid-jump and swing when shots fired four blocks down.

He gave an agitated sigh and sped up his pursuit.

When no return fire sounded through the air he forced himself to become at peace with the fact that it was going to be a long night as it was sure sign that whatever mess the Hood had gotten himself into was far from his usual haunt of thugs and drug lords.

He grumbled to himself in displeasure as he pushed forward towards the source of the gunfire.

But when he got there?

Nothing.

Just dozens of shell casings lying in the street, broken windows on a previously intact department store, and more of the unnerving smoke coming from the charred brick of what he hoped was an already condemned apartment complex.

He growled in frustration, reached for his com to let the woman know that things had somehow already disbanded before his arrival, and then paused.

Because by chance he had caught it out of the corner of his eye…

He approached the mass in the dark corner of the street, hoping to find some sort of lead, and instead ended up curling his lip is disgust.

It was the Red Hood’s gear.

All of it, every piece of tactical clothing, even his pistols were discarded haphazardly across the pavement where anyone could just stumble across them.

If this was intended to be a joke it surely was _not_ funny in the slightest.

He bit back the growl itching to break free and clenched his fists.

For whatever the reason Todd had discarded his clothing, was lurking around in the nude, and he couldn’t help the urge to retaliate and take the man down with his own guns when he showed himself.

After his last run in with Ivy and her pollen, and being forced to babysit a clearly compromised Red Robin, he was not going to put up with it again.

Ever.

“Don’t be obscene Todd!” He snarled, bracing himself for the attack as his eyes darted in every which direction searching for the missing man. “You could not have gotten very far, I demand that you show yourself at once, and at least have the decency to clothe yourself before we engage. My patience for the night has run its course…” He muttered, solidifying his stance.

Only…

Nothing changed.

No movement caught his eye, no sound out of the ordinary crept past his ears, and the Hood did not present himself clothed or otherwise.

He clenched his jaw, moved to place his back at the wall, and chanced a look above.

Still nothing.

“Todd! I insist that you stop this-“

His mouth snapped shut abruptly, because he had surely heard a rustle to his left, and in an instant he had snapped a batarang into his grasp as he spun on his heel.

But… _nothing_ still.

It was at this point that he was willing to believe anything, and every scenario he could imagine passed through his brain, even one being that the man had somehow made himself invisible to the naked eye, and he could feel the hair on the back of his neck prickle in response.

“Hood?” He hissed, reaching for his katana hesitantly.

Almost immediately the rustling noise repeated, but this time what could only be described as a squeak followed, and his eyes snapped down toward the pile of crumpled gear.

It was then that curiosity got the best of him, he drew his sword, and prodded the mass of kevlar, leather, and denim.

Had he been shrunken like those children in that ridiculous movie Grayson had made him watch a few years back?

As if to confirm his suspicions, a lump in the clothing twitched somewhat at the poke, and a cruel look spread across the teen’s face.

“Are you serious?” he snorted, hooking the edge of the man’s top on the blade, before flinging it several feet away.

Only…

It was not a minuscule human left clinging to the denim jeans beneath it.

And he was unsure of whether or not he wanted to laugh (knowing his present company), tell Oracle of these new developments and live it up as the coms lit up with comments and laughter from various outside sources, or if he wanted to run with this himself and rightfully torture the man and pay back his past actions tenfold.

Because sitting the side pocket clinging desperately in loud protest was one Jason Todd… with an unbelievably tiny silky black body, four clawed paws, and everything else that came with somehow being transformed into a very small black kitten.

When wide frightened grey-blue eyes met his he knew his decision.

He was going to roll with this, because out of all things that could have happened, _this_ was perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

Damian smirked widely as he slipped through the shabby window and touched down on the worn floor of the safe house he had disarmed. He tossed the majority of the bundle in his arms across the room carelessly with a heavy thud, shut the window behind him, and lifted the newly scruffed kitten up to eye level.

“I am not sure what ridiculousness you managed to get yourself into Todd, but this has got to be the most hilarious thing that has happened in the past few years. It even tops the time Brown managed to get trapped in an alien pod, had to be rescued by the clone, and was entirely purple for a week before Pennyworth managed to find a medical solution. Grayson kept referencing some old film involving a girl in a factory that turned blue…” He trailed off as the black ball of fur took a swipe at him despite being held at more than a foot’s distance. “As far as Gordon is concerned, you were nowhere to be found, and whomever you were having an altercation with had fled the scene as well- not _entirely_ untrue. Though honestly I’d have liked to have seen this person, thank them for the entertainment.”

“Mrweeeeeeeeeee!” He protested shrilly, and Damian could only snicker in response.

“Contrary to popular believe, I do not in fact speak feline, _Todd_.” He huffed, setting him on the floor. “And as for _Grayson_ \- well, he’s under the impression that I’ve continued patrolling without him.”

Jason, stuck in the small kitten body, only looked distraught.

Damian sighed and crossed the room to rummage in the fridge, hoping for something to put in his own stomach, as well as something hilariously stereotypical to feed Jason for his amusement. Only, the shelves were mostly barren, and other than a couple cans of beer, some eggs, and left over pizza he had no idea of the age of it was a lost cause.

He turned back toward him, only to bust out in laughter at the pitiful sight before him.

Jason was trying to walk.

It _wasn’t_ going well.

The small back kitten was stumbling over his feet, each moving out of sync and his tail was dragging on the floor.

Damian leaned back against the counter and felt no guilt as he laughed his ass off for the following fifteen minutes.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The teen was greeted with a venomous look of disgust when he re-entered the apartment twenty minutes after leaving it abruptly, bags in hand, disturbingly cheerful with an unnervingly large cat in hand.

Much to Damian’s pleasure, Jason had clearly taken the time during his absence to attempt to work out the bugs in his body movements and had failed miserably judging by the turned over chair, broken plate on the floor, and how worn out and flustered he looked.

He smirked as he set the large tabby cat on the floor with him, and seemingly against his will, Jason’s raven fur stood on end and his ears flattened.

“This is _Moxy_ , Todd.” He snipped, turning his attention back towards the bags. “She is here to teach you how to cat- since _clearly_ you cannot. Catwoman has lent her services to me. She does not know all the details, I simply told her I found a _pathetic_ little thing in an alley, who quite obviously was not taught proper function by his mother… she was more than happy to help. Moxy once had a litter and has fostered several other orphans for her since.”

Damian was forced to bite his cheek to fight back the oncoming laughter as low growl began to sound from Jason’s throat and the little kitten’s back arched. He crossed his arms, cocked a hip, and he rose a brow in amusement.

“Honestly Todd, you should be grateful… I could have given you to _Father_.”

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“Don’t look at me like that. Honestly, you must have _known_ that this was coming…” The teen’s lips curled into a positively delighted smirk. “You are barely four inches tall and feline. It’s not as though you could reach- let alone _use_ the toilet. Just be happy that you are old enough to have that function on your own. A few weeks younger in body and Moxy would have had to stimulate you for you to relieve yourself. Imagine how awkward _that_ would have been?”

Jason only glared and turned his nose up at the pan of litter in disgust.

The tabby cat seemed to sense the tension in the air, choosing that moment to approach, and much to the kitten’s dismay began to clean the back of his neck in what Damian assumed was meant to be a soothing gesture- which only had the opposite effect as Jason flailed and yowled before scuttling off behind the couch.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

He sighed, flipping through a book as he sat on the couch lazily, glancing over at the two cats every so often, and occasionally let out a snort at something comical.

Much as Selina had said, the tabby was a natural, and was making progress even with a kitten as hopeless as Jason had seemed. The small black kitten could now walk very slowly without falling over. _Running_ on the other hand was a completely different story, and if he at all tried to walk with his tail in the air he only appeared to look as though someone had quite literally showed a stick up his ass and left it there, resulting in a complete and utter lack of balance.

He couldn’t wait to show his father the photos he had been discretely taking with his cell phone next he was home from his travels.

He had a sneaking suspicion at least _one_ of them would end up on the man’s dresser- even _if_ he was likely to scold and reprimand him for taking advantage of the situation first

Todd need never know.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Damian was wheezing, clutching his stomach as he tried to calm his fit of hysterics, watching in awe as Jason clung to the toilet seat for dear life and howled in displeasure, water dripping off his fur as his back feet kicked at the inside of the toilet bowl in desperate effort to climb out.

“I cannot believe that you seriously attempted to use the toilet! After I explicitly said that you would not be _able_ to!” He snorted, stepping towards him. “Of all the idiotic things to do- what if I had been out? Would you have _drowned_? The feared Red Hood- Death by toilet? How _hilarious_.”

“MOWWWWWWWWWW!” The yowling grew louder and Damian sighed.

“I hope you know that I am _not_ bathing you Todd. As is I am _begrudgingly_ going to help you out of your porcelain prison- with _much_ disgust mind you. When was the last time you even cleaned that toilet?” He huffed, wrinkling his nose as he scruffed the angry ball of wet.

He flailed the moment he was in the air and dug all eighteen claws into the teen’s arm, slicing and stabbing as he wrapped his body around the limb.

Damian would deny ever have made the shocked yelps that followed.

Jason then bit him for good measure.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

 

 


End file.
